if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
