He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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