Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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