I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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