i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
