I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize