It's Friday. Sex?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
