i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
