tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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