He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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