just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
