I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
