i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
