Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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