Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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