Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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