I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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