I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
