Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
