And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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