and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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