Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My dick has a subreddit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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