You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
