a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
