He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
