You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
