i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize