Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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