I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
