So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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