He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
