i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
