Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
