Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
