How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
