honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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