shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
