Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize