I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm like, not good at living.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
