I hate all girls vehemently.
Screwed.edu
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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