Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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