Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
