You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
