Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
