bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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