so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
