Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
