i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
