Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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