legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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