i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize