this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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