with your own penis?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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