Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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