He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize