alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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