You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't turn off my feet"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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