Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Someone shit on the floor
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
