it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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