Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
