you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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