can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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