you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
