If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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