my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
