Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
