I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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