I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
