Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
