I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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