shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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