I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
