I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
