Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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