He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
