I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
