Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize