How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're a waste of cheezeits
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
