Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
