i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
