remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
