Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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