i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
