I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
