Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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