I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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