Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Shame is for Republicans.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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