There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
