i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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