I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So apparently I’m into choking now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
