Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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