You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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