Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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