What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
