Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize