the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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