Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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