So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
