she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
