It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
